


Memes? In MY database? Its More Likely Than You Think.

by loverboy_mickey



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Accidental Plot, Connor (Detroit: Become Human) is Bad at Feelings, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Group chat, Markus and the jericho lads show the humans they're alive by memeing the android revolution, Memes, Might Change Later, Minor Connor/Gavin Reed, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Rating May Change, Slow Burn, Vines, actually theres a little more gavin/Connor atm but nothing too harsh, and its great, connor discovers memes, ig, its like if you squint ig, like idk to make the ships happen bruh, no beta we die like men, we love a
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-09-25 03:19:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17113457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loverboy_mickey/pseuds/loverboy_mickey
Summary: Connor discovers the brilliance that is memes and internet culture after finding Hank and Gavin actually getting along over it. To keep the peace and further his social program's database, he decides he must delve into the vast archives, for the mission, of course.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> aight bois, first work in a while and i'm writing this at 2 am to satiate my need for memes while my wifi is down. enjoy my bullshit.

Connor couldn't comprehend the mere notion of Gavin and Hank getting along. It was obvious to anyone within a 30ft radius that these two clashing personalities could only grate together like tectonic plates in an earthquake, the fallout of their arguments often lead to similar devastation of the surrounding environment, namely at the precinct. (it always would annoy the android when Hank shoved Gavin a little hard and it jostled his various desk decorations, he'd fixed his plant back into place exactly 13 times this week). All in all, those bitches couldn't fucking stand each other.

So when Connor returned from the evidence room, ready to begin the case Hank and himself has just been assigned, it was certainly... peculiar to say the least. The two were huddled together at Hank's desk, both looking at something in Gavin's hand. A quick scan revealed it was his phone which, he supposed, wouldn't be so suspicious if the two weren't _giggling_.

"Uh, Lieutenant?" Connor tried and immediately detected a quick rise in both their stress levels (an unconcerning but strange 27%) before they quickly turned to face him, Gavin's hands behind his back and Hank giving him a shocked look. _Suspicious_.

"Uh, Connor! I thought you said you were going to the evidence room for a while?" Hank asked, noticeably moving away from Gavin as he did the same. _Very_ _suspicious_. "Yeah, Dipshit, you slacking on the job now?" Gavin said but it didn't sound how it usually did when he was rude to Connor, he sounded fairly nervous, like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. It was almost amusing.

"Quite the contrary, Detective. I have finished all my assigned tasks and wish to start on our new case although you both have piqued my interest. What were you looking at?"

This made Gavin and Hank look at each other before back at Connor, having a silent conversation with their eyes. ( _Since when had they been close enough for that, exactly?_ ) Gavin made an approximate 'I don't know' sound before Hank sighed and moved forward.

"Right, so this is, like, one of those human things. I don't think you'd understand it just yet," Hank said, trying to dissuade him but it had quite the opposite effect.

"Please show me, Lieutenant. I'd like to see..." Connor asked, LED flickering yellow for a moment. It was times like these that he felt the most disconnected from other people, always not a part of inside jokes or innuendos flying over his head despite the alleged efficiency of his Social Programme. Like really, that shit kinda hurt despite him knowing that Hank didn't mean it in that way.

"Might as well, the fucker'll leave us alone then," Gavin mumbled, bringing out his phone and typing in the passcode. Hank cringed at the idea and decided to warn Connor. "Really Con, it's nothing grand."

Connor gave him an unpleased look that seemed to make him settle as Gavin turned his screen to let Connor see. Needless to say he was confused.

It was a video of an android ( _Wait, was that Markus?!_ ) dressed in a neon green suit standing on a kitchen counter. Connor watched as he jumped down and shouted "I'm gay!".

"Detective, I don't think I-" he was cut off by Gavin, who was making a 'shush' noise at tapping him on the arm in attempt to quiet him. Bitch.

"Shut up, this is the best part!"

The scene changed to Markus with a guitar, singing (?) to Simon "I love you, bitch. I ain't ever gonna stop loving you. Bitch." while Simon (with North, he noted) appeared touched.

"Lieutenant, please explain-" Another 'shush'.

This time it was Simon (only he had a strange outfit on that made him appear like a woman). "Hit or miss, I guess they never miss, huh!". This was then followed by Markus singing- no, Connors scan detected his vocal components weren't activated, mouthing along. "Hit or miss, I guess they took the kids, huh."

Connor's LED circled yellow as it moved to a shot of Alice. _What the fuck?_. "They took her? Lieutenant, we must get her back!" He shouted in concern, only making Hank laugh and Gavin wheeze.

"Connor, it's not real you fucking idiot," Gavin supplied, his insult holding more amusement than malice. "Look, it's just a meme." he said, showing him the title of the video.

'Android Vines and Memes, fRESH FROM THE OVEN'

"But Detective, videos come from-"

"Yes, Connor, we know."

Gavin just took back his phone and continued to watch them, only pausing it when Hank complained. "Can't you just download that shit?" He said offhandedly, more bothered about watching the video.

Actually, Connor hadn't thought of that, what with being preoccupied with his own confusion. After a quick search that soon turned into a deep browse, Connor was enlightened. This bitch had seen the light, there was an android heaven and he had just stared RA9 in the face.

"If you'll excuse me..." Connor said, leaving them to their devices, just hearing a 'told you he'd leave' from Reed as he left.

He had a new mission to complete. Surely the case could wait, if Internet culture could make even Gavin and Hank get along than it would obviously be an advantage for him to be knowledgeable on the matter. Or at least, that's what Connor convinced himself.

For now he needed a nerf gun, a phone, a defibrillator and 39 bottles of squeeze-cheese . Immediately.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor has a near miss and discovers gay culture. it has him thinking.... does conNOR IS GAY?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao you want my trash so here Enjoy lads

It had been about 2 weeks since anyone at the precinct had seen Connor, just long enough for Fowler to go from stressed to downright seething. Everyone was on edge, despite the rocky start that Connor had made at the DPD, he had wriggled his way into the cold, dead hearts of the officers, one adorable smile at a time to the point of the creation of an unofficial rule that they all protected the innocent boi.

As a result of this, it it had been a while since the precinct had been productive, all manpower was currently being spent trying to find the android.

"You were the last people to see him! What did you do, Gavin! We all know you can be a prick to him sometimes!" Tina accused, jabbing a finger at his chest.

Gavin moved uncomfortably in his chair. The officers had wheeled their chairs into a circle in the middle of the floor, all discussing possible actions in an attempt to locate Connor. Reed mumbled something under his breath to which Tina pounced on. "Speak up, bitch! Where'd you send my precious boy!" she squawked.

"I SAID: I also... care about where he is, uh, that is to say that- I just hate how unproductive everyone is so..." he trailed off, blushing.

"Trash! Anderson, don't let me down, oldtimer!"

"Alright fucker, we were just showing him some memes, nothing even offensive or edgy, really. He just excused himself and I haven't seen him since, he hasn't even come home. I only know he's alive because Sumo's bowl is always full in the morning. He knows I forget sometimes." Hank finished as Chris gave him a bro pat on the shoulder to console him.

"Chris, don't sympathise with the men that tried to corrupt my baby!" Tina started as Gavin choked. Arguments ensued and loud insults filled the air until it fetched Fowler out of his office.

"Would you fUCKIN' SHUT UP! I miss that little shit too, okay? I'm trying to track his expense account but the smart fuck uses cryptocurrency! I-I..." Fowler exploded and was brought to their circle by another one of the officers, sat in a wheelie chair and patted. Chris really was going overboard without the android to satiate his fussing needs.

All hope was lost, the DPD would most definitely shut down their operations at this rate. Decades of building up their careers just _gone_.

"Excuse me but is there a meeting ongoing currently that I wasn't informed of?" asked Connor, unaware of the shitstorm previously unfolding. _What the fuck did he just walk into?_

"CONNOR!" about 7 different people shouted at once. He couldn't pinpoint the exact moment he had been dragged into the centre of their circle, hugged by everyone present, _even Reed_. Dragged into the figurative jaws of death which had him thanking RA9 that he didn't actually need to breathe.

"I-I don't understand? I informed the Captain that I'd be absent for a few days," Connor said, causing them all to glare at Fowler who looked at him gone out. "I notified you all of my absence?" he said, innocently.

In actual fact, he had sent them the message just a few moments before he entered the building and had hacked their devices into displaying the time that he sent it to 2 weeks previous. ( _Hey, Deviants had to be devious sometimes! it was a matter of survival!_ )

Of course, the officers didn't know that which lead to an extended silence in the office when they had finally let Connor go. Everyone wheeled back to their respective seats, Tina and Chris staying behind to shower him in extra attention which he could appreciate, they were very nice people.

"What were you up to in all that time? We missed you." Tina asked while Chris reached into his pocket to give Connor a sticker of a dog. He liked dogs.

"Well, I visited Jericho, they seemed to be pleased to see me there. I... helped out with a few things and conversed," Connor admitted, fairly proud of his attempts at socialising with the other androids. Cyberlife really got him fucked with his Social Programming.

"Nothing dangerous?" Chris asked, that tendency to mother him rearing his head. He denied it and wished them a good day. He had been with Jericho, technically helped them with their Cause. No lies were told and Connor could still call himself an honest bitch.(Whether he _should_ remains to be seen). Besides, some vines needed his pre construction abilities to get them just right.

He made his way back to his and Hank's desk, now being less surprised that Gavin was there again. Connor sighed an artificial breath and sat down opposite them.

"What is it this time?" He asked, keeping his own interest on the down low. It could seriously compromise his respectability and image if someone found out about his recent enlightenment.

Gavin just showed his screen briefly to him, it was another meme compilation (with the videos stolen from Instagram, Connor should know seen as some of his own memes were in the video...wait)

"What the fuck? Connor, is that-?" Hank started as he watched the android slav squat on two drones while the theme to 'Goosebumps' played. You could see some members of Jericho behind him on their own respective drones chasing after him (with north flying into a wall just as the video ended). _Well shit_.

"You're mistaken, Lieutenant. That is RK800 #313 248 317 - 60, the one we met at Cyberlife tower." Connor stated, hoping that they'd believe that. "But you shot him, I-" he interrupted Hank.

"Cyberlife is quite efficient at repairing damage."

"You shot him between the eyes, Con."

" _Very_ efficient at repairing damage. Sorry Lieutenant but it appears that Detective Reed needs a coffee. I will fulfil this requirement immediately and at full speed and capacity."

Connor fucking legged it to the break room and opened the little window above the sink, getting through it. He paused for a moment, one leg and arm outside of the window when an officer entered the break room and stood in confusion to his actions.

"My, uh, programs inform me that this is the most effective way to exit the building in a time sensitive manor, I have very pressing matters to attend to," Connor started and got out of the window, approaching the (recently hired, according to his scan) officer, it was their first day.

"You can't see me." He whispered, face close to the guy before diving out the open window head first. He activated his extended fall procedure and landed in a conveniently placed wheelchair.

A teenager was staring at him in shock from his actions. They made eye contact and Connor just shrugged. "I have crippling depression." He said as if it would explain everything and continued walking.

He wasn't worried about missing work, he had already completed the case he'd been assigned and wrote up the paperwork in a mix of his and Hank's handwriting to at least suggest cooperation. That near miss with his meme really killed his vibe. Out of paranoia, he privated his Instagram meme account and continued to his destination.

Seeing that he couldn't produce memes effectively at Hank's house, he decided to rent an apartment with his new income (thanks to the revolution, android workers had to be given equal pay to their human counterparts). Connor liked to believe his pad was quite jazzy, it had modern decor and a few rooms solely dedicated to creating his dank content. He quickly made his way there, nodding at a barely concious North on his couch who had taken advantage of the new update that allowed them to eat and drink and had binged her way to a severe hangover.

"Sup bitch, how go thee?" she asked, burying her face into the cushions. "Hank nearly discovered my memes, we must be more efficient in masking my identity next time." he replied.

"Oof, sorry bro, mission failed, we'll get them next time."

"Yes, it be like that sometimes..." He trailed off, heading to his room to change from his Cyberlife suit. He didn't really want to keep it but he also felt awkward without some form of coat or jacket so until he could purchase a few, a jumper would have to suffice.

"We love a cozy queen," North said, sitting up as Connor sat on the couch with her. They were 'Bros' as North had told him and he enjoyed that he didn't need to hide his newfound appreciation from her. "Haven't heard that one yet," he stated and North bolted up (admittedly with a short, sluggish groan).

"Oh Connor, baby, you haven't discovered gay culture yet?" she asked and cupped his cheeks with her hands.

"I have found that humans dislike it when people reference pop culture that doesn't apply to them, particularly between racial groups and-" he was cut off. _Wow disrespectful._

"Honey, sweetie, you're the gayest thing to ever leave the Cyberlife factory, and they made Markus and Simon, sweetheart," North said, fluffing his hair that had started to curl since he became deviant. _Wild_.

"Despite my delve into human culture, it appears sex and sexual orientation are considered 'taboo' subjects in my social programming so I haven't had the chance to ask about it, really..." he said, LED spinning yellow, nervous as North developed a mischievous gleam in her eyes.

"Alright pretty boy, time to show you the birds, bees and honey inbetween,"

Needless to say it was an... interesting process. North had first showed him pictures of different actors and actresses that were considered attractive and had encouraged him to make his judgment. He found that while some of the women and gender-neutral models were aesthetically pleasing to look at, the more masculine bodies made thirium raise to his cheeks. They weren't even halfway done yet.

North then showed him some explicit videos that gave him a lot of things to process. ("North, the Pizza will get cold if they continue-"... "Shut up, Connor.") All in all, he was fucking confused and decided that further investigation was necessary to answer his question: _Does Connor is gay?_

He thanked North for her time and headed back to the DPD, where he knew a few gays worked. (see: Gavin) as his current predicament had made itself his primary objective and he couldn't willingly change it. This bullshit really got him fucked up.

He needed to investigate this matter, most likely with an experiment. If he wanted to be a part of gay culture or just even understand the memes then it was necessary. He'd just keep his socks on, just in case though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aight bois another chapter, you're spoiled I swear. again kudos and comments fuel this wreck and water my crops so do me a solod if ya fancy. yeet


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor goes ahead with his investi-GAY-tion but gets a breakdown instead of answers rip poor boi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On tHE ROAD SHES BACK AGAIN lmao enjoy. (theres like some gay stuff here bros so beware)

Connor eventually arrived at the DPD. He'd forgotten that he had actually previously removed his usual uniform (that being the Cyberlife jacket) and was still in his jumper but he decided that it didn't matter, this shit was comfy as fuck and going back to change was too much effort anyway. He had much more pressing matters to attend to.

When he arrived at the precinct, Hank and Gavin were giving him suspicious looks from Hanks desk, still together, he noted.

"Have you two moved at all since my departure?" Connor asked, playing with the sleeve of his jumper that covered his fingers just enough to grab at. It proved to be a sufficient alternative to his coin that had been left behind in his old jacket.

Gavin, for once, was quiet. He looked anywhere except Connor's eyes while Hank took over. "Yeah, we got donuts like 10 minutes ago..." he said defensively as Connor gave a lopsided smile.

"You went out for donuts together? Lieutenant, my social programme informs me that acquiring food with another, one on one, has romantic connotations. I'm very happy for you both." Connor said, taking his lips between his teeth in what had become a habit. He did know that there were gays at the DPD but having them be Gavin and Hank together just made him uncomfortable. ( _What would Sumo think?!_ ) Not that he'd say anything though. Connor wasn't a judgmental bitch unlike some and refused to be rude about it, even if it was weird.

"CoNNOR NO!"-

"Ew! I'd never let that old perv-"

"Watch it, foetus!"

While Connor suspected his Social Program had him fucked up again, he saw the situation for what it was. _An opportunity_.

"Detective Reed? Could you please accompany me to the Evidence room, I require your assistance with one of my... Investigations." He asked and used their bitching as a distraction to drag Gavin to the Evidence room, though not without one last 'Phck you, prehistoric prick!' _Yikes_.

At the Evidence room, Connor let Reed enter first before locking the door and ensuring that no one was around while he conducted his personal investigation.

"Alright, what do you need, Shitface?" Gavin asked, standing in the middle of the empty room. Connor leant against the door and panicked at the disco™ for a moment. ( _Oh fuck, I didn't think i'd get this far, shiiit._..) Luckily, he was an android that could process such thoughts in less than a second and had the ability to pre construct events. He looked at Reed and sighed. _It's nerf or nothing..._

In an instant, Connor pulled Gavin towards him and pushed him against the locked door ("Connor, what the fuck-?") and used his superior strength to pin the clueless gay there. Granted, it was a little dodgy to go about his experiment this way but the fucking 'Mission Objective: Incomplete' was really getting to him so all other options were too drawn out or complicated to do for him.

"Gavin, I want you to kiss me," he said, biting his lip now in the Seduction Procedure #5 as opposed to his developed habit, he was made to complete his mission by _any_ means necessary, after all.

The previously rather calm detective flushed a bright red and started spluttering. Connor sighed in frustration. He didn't really know if this was a socially acceptable thing to do but... he was so confused. With an excuse ready, he pressed his lips to the detective's in his Chaste Kiss Procedure #2. It was entirely pre-calculated twitches and programmed breaths. It didn't feel like anything...

He pulled away, even more frustrated than before. _Why didn't he feel any different? His mission objective didn't even update!_

While Connor had his first emotional crisis, Gavin had gone from 'flushed' to full on tomato. "C-Connor?" He mumbled, bringing the back of his fingers against his mouth.

Connor looked up for a moment, LED circling yellow. "Shit! Fucking shit!" He cursed, and started to pace.

That seemed to shock Gavin out of his embarrassment, having only heard the android speak in polite and patient words.

"Connor?" He said, a little more confident than he expected but he guessed that one of them had to have their shit together.

"Fuck Gavin, sorry... I-I don't..." Connor met his eyes, LED a bright red. _Well fuck_.

The detective took a deep breath. This was obviously some Plastic-People-Problem that escaped him and despite his resistance, he couldn't bare to see Connor so obviously distressed. _(Though he'd die before he would admit it out loud, the fucking tsundere._ )

"Shit, do you need-" he cut himself off with an 'oof' from the impact of Connor against his chest, returning his awkward hug.

"Fuck, is this your first breakdown?" Gavin asked, slowly sliding down the door to the floor. Connor nodded silently.

"It- I was supposed to feel something..." he whispered, unsure. Trust him to effectively investigate his dilemma and only get more caught up in it.

Connor didn't know how to process what he was feeling so he did the most logical and healthy option of repressing the fuck out of it. Through his discovery of memes, he had found that people use humour as a coping mechanism. _If it worked for humans than surely he'd be fine, right?_ Either way it was his last chance at salvaging the situation without damaging his relationship with Reed or his artificial dignity. Luckily, as if from the memelords in heaven themselves, he got an idea.

"Started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?" he whispered as Gavin's brow furrowed.

"Wait Connor, is that?-"

He forced his LED to blue (causing it to break during the process.. _Oops_.) and continued his distraction.

"It was only a kiss," he made his retreat through an air vent with one last "It was only a kiss!" before he disappeared into the metal ventilation shafts... only to pop his head out and whisper "No one will ever believe you." whilst making the finger circle at Gavin.

 _ **Secondary Objective: 'Yeet TF Outta There' Complete**_.

After a not particularly interesting adventure through the air vents (he had found a stash of weed and 2 pokémon figurines which he may or may not have kept) he arrived the precinct.

With a little caution, he dropped out the vents into the Break room, catching that newbie officer again. _Can't this guy give him a break, jeez._

Thanks to his quick thinking he quickly said: "I'm not real, this is a hallucination. The government knows you watch trap anime. Run." Which gave him the time to yeet away before the officer could comprehend his bullshit.

Now at his own desk (at which he had to adjust his plant again.) he became even more stressed than before. After some debating he decided to hit up the group chat he had with Jericho about it (on his new phone that he purchased with the sole intention of creating memes).

  
He opened it up and started typing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sup lads, next chapters gonna be in a group chat format so look forward to memes with the Jericrew ig 
> 
> itd be coolio if u kudo or comment like it fuels my mess but no pressure :) i kinda dont like this chapter but meh, opinions?

**Author's Note:**

> pls feel free to kudo or comment like man i need the validation tbh


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